Friday, August 17, 2012

How Not To React When I Tell You That My Dad Is Dead

Don't worry, this won't be a long ranting post. Haha. I won't be writing too much, otherwise I will sound like a nasty woman and that's horrible. I just had to write this because I really hated these reactions when people asked me about my Dad and what is he doing now, and I tell them that I have no idea because he is gone and in Heaven now. Although I'm not close to my Dad (my parents divorced when I was young), I still have some memories of him, and there is one particular memory which I still remember vividly.

I was only 5 years old at that time. He brought me to his bedroom (btw he lived on his own and not with us, as my parents were already divorced at that time), sat me down, and talked to seriously and calmly. He said that he was very sick, and would not be with me for many years. He started telling me to take care of myself etc etc. I remember sitting beside him, wondering why were there so many photos of Mother Mary in his bedroom, and why was he telling me all these. Up to this day, I still remember every single detail in his bedroom. The room was dimly litted, the floor was made of parquet-wood, his bedsheet was dirty-brown in colour, countless Mother Mary photo frames were everywhere (not just hanging on the walls) and cigarette smoke filled the entire room.


Anyway, I shall stop being nostalgic and get back to the main topic.

These are the reactions which you should never tell a person whose parent has died:


1) "Wow, I didn't know that. Sorry for asking, you're very brave to have gone through that."
Firstly, you don't need to say Wow and sound amazed. It's not an amazing news. Secondly, I'm not brave. It just happened and that's life. We can't live forever. And, I did not do anything that is brave or courageous.

2) "Erm okay." and proceeds to give me a look of pity and sympathy.
No, I don't need for you to feel pitiful or sorry for me. I believe that my Dad is in a much better place now. I know he'll receive much more love, care and concern in Heaven than on Earth.

3) "Oh I understand how you feel. I lost my _________ too."
And these people start telling me how they lost their so and so. They start a whole new topic of losing their ______ . Sorry, but I'm not interested in how you lost your _______ , that will not make me feel any better. Most importantly, I don't enjoy being in a 'pity party' where we share stories with each other on how we lost our ______.

Worse still, someone once told me, "Oh I understand how you feel. I lost my classmate recently, she committed suicide."

Losing your classmate and parent is very different. Very.

Ok, I shall end here. On a lighter note, it's the weekends! Here's Shayne wishing you a Happy Weekend!

Till then, :)

4 comments:

  1. I really appreciate this post! When he was still an infant, Mr. M lost his father. He often went through the same reactions as you did (still does, in fact). Thanks!

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    1. Glad to know that someone feels the same way as me :)

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  2. I'm very sorry to read this. I don't understand your loss because I still have both of my parents, so I guess all I can do is tell you you have my sympathies.
    I don't know what I would do or feel if my father died, so I send you a big and whole-heartedly hug, just keep on going, for you and your beautiful son and love him forever as much as you can, and keep your father's memory alive in your heart.

    My best wishes and a hug, Miss Marie.
    ~ Orphin's Domains ~

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    Replies
    1. Ah u don't have to feel sorry for me, humans can't live forever & death is part of our lives. Our time on Earth is just a stepping stone to a better life out there in Heaven ♥

      Thanks for your comment btw :)

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Thank you for your lovely comment!

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