Thursday, August 16, 2012

The Night I Cried In Front of My Own Son

As I wiped away my last tear, I came to a realisation that I'm still not good at this "working stay-at-home Mum" thing.

So recently, my partner and I decided to bring back some of our work home, instead of staying at the office to finish up our work, so that we could spend more time with our child and work at the same time. I wouldn't say it's a bad or wrong decision, because we indeed get to spend more time with Shayne, but it's really a whole new level of multi-tasking. 

This was what happened tonight at our home, after work:
11pm- My partner was working and typing away on the computer, and I was spending time with Shayne. I answered his never-ending-why questions, walked around the entire house with him as he showed me his different toys, talked to him like a young adult and listened to his cute but silly replies which sometimes didn't make sense. Haha.

12am- So after my partner completed his work, it was time for me to complete mine. Now it was his turn to talk, play and look after Shayne. But!

12.01am- Shayne did not, and would not, talk or play much with him! (Why Shayne, Why??? Do you know that your Papa is a humorous and fun person to talk, play and hang out with? You don't know what you're missing out little Mister... )

So while I was trying my best to complete my work, Shayne was (brace yourself for this) :

* forcing me to answer his "Why" questions (Why did the dog bark? Why? Why Mama, Why????)
* forcing me to play with him (Come here Mama! Play with me! Come HERREEEE!!!) 
* climbing up and down my chair a million times, blocking my screen every second or so
* pulling my leg, feet and hands, such that I can't type continuously
* trying to get me to play a game with him (Play with me Mama!! Please??!!!)
* want me to feed him noodles, in "small bird bites". (Yes, he said "small bird bites" -__-)
* pour for him Coke in a bowl, as he wanted to drink it "like soup"
* and proceeded to spill Coke onto his pants
* and! refused to change his stained pants.

I did not want to completely ignore him as I knew that I would feel so guilty and rude if I did so, so I tried to complete my work and entertain his requests at the same time. Women were born to multi-task right???

1.00am- Soon, he got tired and wanted me to pat him to sleep. We walked together into the bedroom and tada! he didn't want to sleep because he wanted to "see Papa".

1.01am- We left the bedroom and he walked towards his Papa. I returned back to the computer, hoping to finish up the work which I had brought home.

1.02am- But barely a minute later, the little Mister appeared again! And Bam! He wanted to repeat everything we just did together an hour ago.

It didn't end there. We actually spent some time together again, and I started to feel disappointed and agitated at myself for not completing my work.

2.02am- After about an hour, he said that he wanted to sleep. I hoped that this time, it was for real. We walked back towards the bedroom and I patted him to sleep.

2.30am- And, not to anyone's surprise, he didn't want to sleep despite my numerous pattings.

2.31am- He got up and said "I want to play."

After he said those words, I just broke down and starting crying, in front of my own son. I really wanted to spend more time with him, and work at the same time too, but it was really really difficult to do so. I felt so tired and angry at myself for not being able to complete my work at such a late hour. So, I broke down in front of him and started crying.

My partner heard me crying and told me to "sleep now and finish it tomorrow". But being a stubborn, I didn't want to just call it a day as I hated the thought of not completing my do-to list. I had to complete my work. I just had to.

2.50am- Shayne got scared and allowed his Papa to put him to sleep. Thank God.

3.30am- I finally finished up my work. And felt so guilty for crying in front of my son. :(


How does one become a happy and relaxed stay-at-home working Mum, when her child wants her constant and undivided attention?

Googled "working stay-at-home Mum" and there were so many happy and relaxed photos of such Mums Wow, thanks for making me feel better Google -__-

I can understand why working mothers decide to work from home- they want to spend more time with their family, especially their children. But it's so difficult.

How does a working mother cope when she has lots of work to complete? And she wants to spend time with her children and vice versa?
I'm still so new at this "working-from-home" thing, but I really need to get used to it as my partner and I will be bringing back work almost everyday for the next few months, as we are working on an exciting and revolutionary project. Can't wait for the launch of it! :D

As the saying goes: "The moment a child is born, his mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but not the mother. Being a mother is something absolutely new, to the woman."

So true.

Till then, :)


  1. oh gosh, the idea of being a stay at home mom sounds perfect! but it's true, i think people don't realize how much hard work you need to put into it. it's okay girl, hang in there and no you are not alone!
    xo TJ

    1. Yup I'm still getting used to working from home with a little boy running around. Haha. Thanks for your kind words :)

  2. Aww you poor thing. Don't worry it's understandable why you cried, don't feel guilty about it. It must be so difficult yet rewarding at the same time to have to do two very important things. Hope it gets easier! =)

    Love from the NaNa girls xoxo

    1. Yup its true, its difficult but rewarding at the end of the day :) i also hope it gets easier!

  3. I constantly tell people that being a SAHM is the hardest job I've ever had! I was a working graduate student when Maile was born, and the transition to being at home full time was (and still is, 15 months later) one of the hardest things I've ever done. Hang in there, Marie!

    1. Yup its not easy looking after a baby or toddler, u'll need all the help tt u can get. Btw ur child has a really unique name! :D

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